 |
| I featured this article with ethnic people from continent of africa. childrens are great listeners of each other. observe them they very sincere when they listen. |
I have been living in west relatively around 10 years, previous Portugal and now Sweden, in between, i travel around europe, places like Spain, Germany, Holland, Denmark, Belgium, France, Norway so on.
There is one thing i have noticed, when i relate with people that grew up in western culture, maybe is my wrong vision, but majority of time i experience a very chilling chat, or by observing others chatting, I figured out a great quality that westerners have,
when it comes to chatting, somehow many people in this culture adopted the posture that makes one who is talking think that are being listened.
Not all are fake listeners, are cases where the listening is real, in fake listeners i notice more the body posture and facial expression that lots people do.
the problem of fake listeners is that in long term can be very harmful. Because in the end of the day, the one who supposed to listen, is lying to particular person, and this is very disrespectful. As i noticed this great quality that unfortunately is more expressed in facial and body posture.
My tips, for fake listeners is start to develop compassionate listening or deep listening, adding this essence in your facial and body posture, you will gain the ability to real listening, you will listen by heart, lets say more spiritual wise way of listen, and this will bring more humanistic and sincere approach of comunication that is so well need for better world. check the article bello via mindful org on tips of how to practice deep listening, compassionate listening more see the link below.
lots of psychologist, says that i great listener will find loyal friends.
The end of the day humans need friend, a great friend is one who have ability to listen with heart.
Unsatisfying communication is rampant in our society: in relationships between spouses, parents, and children, among neighbors and co-workers, in civic and political life, and between nations, religions, and ethnicities. Can we change such deeply ingrained cultural patterns? Is it possible to bring about a shift in the modes of communication that dominate our society? Contemplative practices, with their committed cultivation of self-awareness and compassion, may offer the best hope for transforming these dysfunctional and damaging social habits.
The health care imbroglio may be an extreme example, but it reflects a larger pathology in our culture, one that is driven by adversarialness on the one hand and disingenuousness on the other. If we are to survive in the twenty-first century we must become better communicators, speaking and listening honestly and compassionately across diversity and difference.
A fruitful place to begin work on shifting our patterns of communication is with the quality of our listening. Just as we now understand the importance of regular exercise for good health, we need to exercise and strengthen our ability as listeners.
Poor listeners, underdeveloped listeners, are frequently unable to separate their own needs and interests from those of others. Everything they hear comes with an automatic bias: How does this affect me? What can I say next to get things my way? Poor listeners are more likely to interrupt: either they have already jumped to conclusions about what you are saying, or it is just of no interest to them. They attend to the surface of the words rather than listening for what is “between the lines.” When they speak, they are typically in one of two modes. Either they are “downloading”—regurgitating information and pre-formed opinions—or they are in debate mode, waiting for the first sign that you don’t think like them so they can jump in to set you straight. All these behaviors were abundantly on display in the health care debate.
Good listening, by contrast, means giving open-minded, genuinely interested attention to others, allowing yourself the time and space to fully absorb what they say. It seeks not just the surface meaning but where the speaker is “coming from”—what purpose, interest, or need is motivating their speech. Good listening encourages others to feel heard and to speak more openly and honestly.
Carl Rogers, the great American psychologist, taught “active listening,” a practice of repeating back or paraphrasing what you think you are hearing and gently seeking clarification when the meaning is not clear. Deep Listening, as we present it in our workshops, incorporates some of the techniques of active listening, but, as the name suggests, it is more contemplative in quality. (The phrase “deep listening” is used in different ways by different people; we capitalize it when representing our approach.)
-------------------------
Thich Nhat Hanh on Compassionate Listening | Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network
----------------------------
More full article post bellow read
Deep Listening involves listening, from a deep, receptive, and caring place in oneself, to deeper and often subtler levels of meaning and intention in the other person. It is listening that is generous, empathic, supportive, accurate, and trusting. Trust here does not imply agreement, but the trust that whatever others say, regardless of how well or poorly it is said, comes from something true in their experience. Deep Listening is an ongoing practice of suspending self-oriented, reactive thinking and opening one’s awareness to the unknown and unexpected. It calls on a special quality of attention that poet John Keats called negative capability. Keats defined this as “when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.”
Our approach to Deep Listening focuses first and foremost on self-awareness as the ground for listening and communicating well with others. This may seem paradoxical—paying more attention to ourselves in order to better communicate with others—but without some clarity in our relationship to ourselves, we will have a hard time improving our relationships with others. A clouded mirror cannot reflect accurately. We cannot perceive, receive, or interact authentically with others unless our self-relationship is authentic. Likewise, until we are true friends with ourselves, it will be hard to be genuine friends with others.
Deep Listening is a way of being in the world that is sensitive to all facets of our experience—external, internal, and contextual. It involves listening to parts we frequently are deaf to, attending to subtleties of the three realms of experience that Buddhism calls “body, speech, and mind.” In order to balance and integrate body, speech, and mind, Deep Listening teaches three different but complementary contemplative disciplines: Buddhist mindfulness–awareness meditation to clarify and deepen mental functioning; the
Alexander Technique to cultivate awareness of the body and its subtle messages; and Focusing, a technique developed by psychologist and philosopher Eugene Gendlin that utilizes “felt-sensing” to explore feelings and nurture intuitive knowing.
-----
via: mindful.org
reedited by dumbanenguebyceleste : culture preservation Stockholm Sweden 2016
